Matt mentioned acting appropriately in all of our relationships with women, and we discussed our dating relationships, but what should we do about those friendships we have with women when there is no interest in dating? what can be done to watch the 'line' and guard our hearts as well as theirs in the way we conduct ourselves? Is there even a line of conduct to watch besides the obvious? And what can we do when dealing with those that may already have feelings for us when we don't share them, but don't want to breach the relationship?I want to remind us of our guiding definition (listed below), highlighting two things: We have a benevolent responsibility to...protect. What is our responsibility towards our female friends?
1 Timothy 5.2 exhorts, "[Treat] younger women as sisters, in all purity."
Contextually speaking, Paul is certainly talking about the ladies of similar age, as the "older women" were to be treated as "mothers". So there is our mandate and responsibility - treat them as sisters, in all purity.
One thing we ought to do with our sisters is protect them. From what? Well, in the fog of co-ed friendship, the first thing we ought to be "watchful" of is protecting our sisters from ourselves. I can think of two errors to which we are prone. They are: 1) A lack of purity in our motives and 2) a lack of clarity in our communication.
1. Dirty Motives
We must always be ruthless in asking ourselves, "What are my motives here?" What do you desire in this relationship? Does it stroke your ego? Do you find your fun in flirting? Do you like the hugs and 'indadvertant' bumps? Be careful, my friends, for the heart is deceitful. Of course, we know what our motive ought to be: the glory of God. So we must ask, "How can Jesus be honored here?"
Two principles: a) Jesus is honored when we give up our own interests for the best good of another. b) Jesus is honored when we honor marriage and the marriage bed (Heb. 13.4), and we are not married to our sisters, but rather want to preserve them (in as far as it is up to us) for their future spouse(s).
The details to consider are endless, but the guiding principle is clear: honor Jesus and make sure your motives are pure.
2. Mucky Communication
The second error to combat is the kind of wishy-washy, unclear communication that is unfit for any real man. Honestly, how often do we lead ladies to believe things that are untrue about our intentions through our subtleties and non-verbals? Males are quick to implicate the ladies for this kind of thing, but we are not innocent (especially those of us who listen well and can play music).
I love a man who is able and willing to communicate clearly. Paul guides us to 1) speak the truth in love (Eph. 4.15) and 2) speak grace that builds up (Eph. 4.29).
Fellas, when the relationship gets murky, you are the one who is responsible to, with love and maturity, speak the truth and lead the relationship back to reality. Don't ever lead a woman on. That is lying. Don't ever give her nonverbal communication that says more than your words. Protect her heart and be clear as best as you can.
Remember: no abdication or domination - only benevolent responsibility to the glory of God.
1 comment:
Thanks, Matt. I had the habit of enjoying female friendships (largely because they could converse about significant things) but if a woman was remotely attractive or enticing I would subtly leave the door open for more - at least until someone more enticing came along. God has forgiven me for the brokenness left in my wake by my refusal to be clear and by my refusal to deny my SELF for the sake of the Lord. To deny self is to suffer - but it's the only way to find the joy of following Jesus. What a paradox!
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